By Nikki Withrow, Management Analyst, SCAO Friend of the Court Bureau (FOCB)
I don’t know when it happened, but at some point in its 100-year history, the Friend of the Court (FOC) was given an unfortunate nickname: “Friend of the Mother” (or sometimes other, more unsavory versions of this).
In approximately 90 percent of Michigan’s child support cases, the mother is receiving child support, and the father is paying child support, which means that our system gives the mother the “custodial parent” label and “noncustodial” to the father. In the almost six years since I started working with the child support program, I have heard it said time and again that the FOC is interested in doing what is best for the mother – not what is best for the child, not what is best for the family, and especially not what is best for the father. Granted, the people I have heard this from are either fathers with an FOC case or family members of a father with an FOC case, but it still raises the question: what can the FOC do to make fathers know they matter, too?
On Thursday, September 24, the Michigan Judicial Institute (MJI) and FOCB hosted a webinar titled: “Fathers on Child Support: I Matter Too.” In the webinar, Cole Williams, a motivational speaker, fatherhood consultant, and father himself, facilitated a discussion with three other fathers about their experiences with fatherhood and the FOC. Throughout their conversation, the men referred to their desire to build a positive relationship with their FOC caseworker. They identified three key ways the FOC could help fathers reach this goal: by showing interest in the father as a person; improving language and communication; and providing education and resources geared toward fathers.
Showing Interest in the Father as a Person. One of the fathers spoke of the difference between having an involved caseworker versus an uninvolved caseworker, and the impact each had on his life. While he had a few caseworkers who he knew by name only, he also had caseworkers who met with him, took time to get to know him, and proactively provided him with forms and information when it appeared his child support obligation was too high for his income level. Because of the caseworker’s efforts to build a relationship with him, he felt heard and had a desire to cooperate with his caseworker. While this kind of effort may be possible for counties with smaller caseloads, the fathers recognized that large caseloads in some counties prohibits one-on-one attention for every father. For counties with larger caseloads, focusing on improving language and providing education may be more realistic ways to support fathers.
Improving Language and Communication. The fathers discussed the impact of the “plaintiff versus defendant” heading on the first documents they received about their child support case. For two of the fathers, the “her versus me” language changed their relationship with their child’s mother from one of peace to one of war, making an already tough situation even more stressful. In general, the fathers recounted how difficult it is to understand FOC letters filled with legalese. Both the Office of Child Support (OCS) and the FOCB have started editing forms to improve readability. Due to the number of forms used by the child support program, this is no small undertaking. In the meantime, FOCs can work to improve the readability of their local forms and take time to explain documents.
Providing Education and Resources Geared Toward Fathers. The fathers estimated that of the men or fathers they knew, 90-95 percent had been incarcerated, on probation, or paying child support. Only one of the men on the panel grew up with a father, but while his father was present physically, he was not present emotionally. How can someone be a father when he does not have the experience of being fathered? That is where education and resources geared toward fathers come in. The panelists are all members of the “Kingz Table,” an eight-week peer-to-peer mentorship group for fathers where healthy fathers model fatherhood for men struggling to parent their children. The Kingz Table provides a safe space for the men to unpack and relearn the meaning of fatherhood and family.
The fathers also spoke of the need for specialized parenting classes that highlight the importance of fathers being involved in their children’s lives. Fathers need support and resources just like mothers do, and when fathers are supported, children and families thrive. While FOCs may not have the resources to provide fatherhood programs themselves, there are numerous fatherhood organizations throughout the state that FOCs could partner with to support men trying to be the best fathers they can be. To find out more about partnering with a fatherhood organization or locating other father-friendly resources in your area, contact FOCB analyst Amy Lindholm at LindholmA@courts.mi.gov.
