By Mary Katherine Neumann, Oakland County Friend of the Court Custody and Parenting Time Specialist
Retirement
always seems such a faraway event and then one day WOW - it is here. You feel
you have accomplished many goals throughout your journey as a professional, but
you know in your heart when it is time to retire. It is time for me to retire
from Oakland County and the Friend of the Court. My mother always said when one
door closes, another one opens. This describes my 32 years as a social worker
in Oakland County. When I started this journey as a social worker, I would have
never guessed that I would end up working at the Friend of the Court as a
Custody and Parenting Time Specialist.
My journey as a social worker began in 1986 when I received my Master’s Degree in social work from Wayne State University. I worked at Oakland Family Services for five years, providing group treatment to children who were sexually abused. This linked me to working with Oakland County Prosecutor’s Office and being an advocate for victims who were going to testify in criminal trials. The Prosecutor’s Office developed the Child’s Sexual Assault Unit and posted a position for a social worker.
My door closed
at Oakland Family Services and a new door opened at the Oakland County
Prosecutor’s Office. I was fortunate enough to be hired in April 1992 and
worked nine years in the unit. It was an honor and pleasure to work with
talented prosecutors who had a passion to provide justice for children who were
victims of sexual crimes. We worked as a team and were able to help many
children in the process. Through my role at the Prosecutor’s Office, I met many
family counselors who worked at Friend of the Court, and I was not sure what
they did, but they always shared their advice that I should someday work there.
Hence, my door closed at the Prosecutor’s Office and the door opened at Oakland
County Friend of the Court.
In 2001, I
interviewed to be transferred to Oakland County Friend of the Court. Here, I
spent 22 years of my career working with high conflict families. I really had no clue what my role as a family
counselor would consist of, but I did know I was not providing counseling. I
went to lunch with Gwen Dillworth, whose position I would be taking before my
interview. She quickly told me I would be investigating custody and parenting
time, assessing 12 best-interest factors, and making recommendations. I
remember thinking that did not sound too challenging. Wow, I found out quickly
there is a true art in investigating and making recommendations that really
impact a family, especially when there is conflict. I found mediation to be
intriguing and rewarding. There is nothing more satisfying than getting parents
to identify issues, problem solve and come up with solutions in the best
interest of their children. Mediation is hard work, puzzling, makes you think
outside the box, and in the end, rewarding. Mediation makes you utilize all the
tools you have gathered over the years from other cases, conflicts, colleagues,
trainings and helps you develop a style that is unique.
As the years
passed, statutes developed more opportunities for families to receive services like
Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) and Facilitative Information and Gathering
Conferences (FIG-C). These processes are detailed and give options for
settlement, as well as making recommendations. I would say they are more
time-consuming and require more forms, but once you are invested in the process,
it gives ample time to really dive into what is in the best interests of
children. I have learned to use certain reality-based metaphors like “when you
point your finger at the other parent, please know three fingers are pointing
back at you.” I also use the food pyramid example by stating “at the top of the
pyramid is your child, underneath is mother, father, siblings, extended family,
friends, and community, which make up the base for your child to grow. Please
do not flip the pyramid over and squash your child with your conflict; keep it
upright and give your child a strong safety net.” I also like to say “this is
not the game of LIFE” or “there are two sides to every story and the truth lies
somewhere in the middle”, “there is no I in team”, and sometimes I just use my
favorite word: “WOW.” My advice to others is collaborate, talk about your cases
with colleagues and take time to make informed recommendations.
During my
tenure at Oakland County Friend of the Court, I oversaw the Start Making It
Livable for Everyone (SMILE) program. Originally, SMILE was held once a month,
then twice a month until we moved it in-house at FOC every day except
Wednesday. When COVID hit, we moved the program virtually on Zoom, the first
Monday of every month at 9:30 am, noon and 7:00 pm. Technology really changed
things up on how to run a program. I loved presenting at SMILE because it gave
me the opportunity to educate parents about communication, problem solving and
designing a parenting time plan that is unique to their family unit.
I think the
more information we can provide for families like the Michigan Parenting Time
Guidelines, the better off their future will be. I served on the committee with
the State Court Administrative Office to update the guidelines, and it was
interesting to hear from other professionals regarding their ideas and concepts
on parenting time plans. I also developed and implemented a Friend of the Court
Orientation program where professionals from each of our departments explains
their role and what services they offer. We have done this in person in the
past, and now we do it virtually. It gives us the opportunity to educate other
professionals about Friend of the Court. I have been involved along with other
professionals from my office in the Family Law Assistant Program (FLAP). Twice
a month, we have a legal aid clinic in our office, and the Friend of the Court
staff is available to answer questions, look up cases, provide forms, put
consents on the record and help parents and lawyers on all levels. Our office
has a close working relationship with Oakland Mediation Center. We send
appropriate referrals for mediation and provide the 40- hour domestic mediation
training. I have presented at numerous training courses on custody and
parenting time, and now we have MI-Resolve.
I was raised
to work hard, and hard work gets rewarded. My reward in working for the Oakland
County Friend of the Court is knowing I helped many families who were not at
their best to become their best. I have been able to effectively balance my
work and professional life alongside my family and personal life. As I look
back over the years, I realize my work/ professional life and my family/personal
life has defined me. I am who I am because I could balance both worlds and meet
the needs I was responsible for, and I am grateful.
As I close the
door at Oakland County Friend of the Court and open a new door to retirement, I
plan on golfing, reading, continue caretaking my 93-year-old father, help plan
my son’s wedding, drink my morning coffee slowly, and take each day as it
comes. I started with the county only being married for 2 years, having only
one son who was 14 months old, and planning for a second child. Now I have been
married to my husband for 34 years, my two sons are 32 and 29, plus gaining a
daughter in law. I can’t wait to see what door opens next during my retirement.
